and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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