we're chasing vodka with high fives
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
