There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
