I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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