what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
