My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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