Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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