My room smells like vodka and shame
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
