So drunk its hurt
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
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Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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