Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
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