My friends, they love my intelligence
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
