Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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