Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
