I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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