After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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