When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Mom said you looked used
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
No...this little piggys going to the bar
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
