We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
