Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
