I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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