I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
