he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
