Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Randomize
