You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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