It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
