I queefed so loud it echoed.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
