how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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