She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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