Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
