I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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