Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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