All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
