Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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