I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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