I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
