hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
