Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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