The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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