I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
