Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
