I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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