six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
