WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
cat food counts as protein by the way
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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