why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
