oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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