Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
