I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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