so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
