I need help removing her.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
