Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
