I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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