She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
