he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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