Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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