I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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