yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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