sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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