who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
