I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
