I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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