I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
