Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
