omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
