He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
