Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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