and next time when you feel me up, do it right
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
