Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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