why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
this will be a night to untag.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
