my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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