Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.