I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure