my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
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Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
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Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME