Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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