my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
