OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
