I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
