omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
