Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
