I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
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It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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