Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
