How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Do plants get herpes?
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