i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
