Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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