my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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