yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
