Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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