Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
