I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
