i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i wish my penis had a tongue
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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